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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23755849">everlasting love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrykai/pseuds/starrykai'>starrykai</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Feels, Hanahaki Disease, How Do I Tag, M/M, um sad kai?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:54:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,016</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23755849</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrykai/pseuds/starrykai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>the flowers never lie.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Soobin/Huening Kai</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>everlasting love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>growing up, his mother had told Kai a lot of time about hanahaki disease. It isn't deadly, or dangerous. but he's heard enough stories to know that the pain is unbearable. but kai hadn't understood why his mother strongly disapproved of him to just up and catch feelings for someone.</p><p> </p><p>even when he asked his mother and got a “everyone around me says it's painful. I don't want you to suffer, ningning-ah.” as the response, he still didn't understand.</p><p> </p><p>until he did. </p><p> </p><p>he was fourteen when he finally understood everything. </p><p> </p><p>he was fourteen when he finally found out that his father left home to marry some random girl he had met while he was on tour. </p><p> </p><p>he was fourteen when he saw his mother sitting in her room, coughing up bright yellow petals, with tears streaming down her cheeks as she kept a tight grip on a picture of kai's dad. kai just stood there quietly, hiding behind the door, watching his mother weep with a heavy heart.</p><p> </p><p>later, when kai had learnt that the bright yellow petals are called achillea millefolium, he could only sit there, staring at his computer screen with a blank stare. it was dark in his room, but he was sure nothing could beat the darkness kai's mother had in her life and in her heart.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he met soobin when he was eighteen; the age where a teenager usually get a heartbreak that is far worse, empty promises that are made due to alcohol, living life to the fullest in the midst of heavy responsibilities, school work and deadlines.</p><p> </p><p>awkward hi's turned to playful banter, small smiles and nods of acknowledgement turned to loud giggles. no more seeing each other in the campus hallways in between classes, they now hang out together along with their other friends; yeonjun, beomgyu and taehyun.</p><p> </p><p>and just like that, they become best friends. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>in his group of friend, kai was the closest to soobin. </p><p> </p><p>they did everything together. from pulling all nighters to washing their laundries on the weekends. spamming each other's chat rooms throughout their days, with links to funny videos or interesting memes they had found on the internet.</p><p> </p><p>they would spend time together, just the two of them, alone, in kai's messy dorm, playing with mario kart, eating cheap french fries and burgers that soobin would usually buy before coming over. </p><p> </p><p>silly laughs and inside jokes were exchanged between them as the sun slowly rise, ready for another day.</p><p> </p><p>just like right now.</p><p> </p><p>the younger gazed at the pink haired man, who was on the other couch that was too small for him, his long legs were dangling off the edge, but he looked so.. comfortable sleeping on the beaten up couch, bundled up in the younger's iron man blanket.</p><p> </p><p>and kai loved it.</p><p> </p><p>he loved it better this way. </p><p> </p><p>he wished he could stay like this forever. just with his soobin hyung. </p><p> </p><p>but a bunch of white petals that were sitting quietly inside a medium sized box that he had put under his bed, reminded him that such thing would never come true.</p><p> </p><p>kai didn't sleep again that night.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he still remembered the first time he coughed up white petals. he was in yeonjun's dorm, with his two hyungs, talking and playing video games (they really need to find other things to do beside playing video games all day), while beomgyu and taehyun were stuck in a group project. </p><p> </p><p>it was all fun, until he felt something in his throat. it felt like as if something was trying to crawl up his throat. he tried to drink two glasses of water, but the lump in his throat hadn't gone away. it made him uncomfortable, to say the very least. so when it was starting to get hurt, he excused himself to the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>the last thing he'd expect when he locked himself in the small bathroom that could only fit for one person, was to throw up a handful of white petals.</p><p> </p><p>he felt light headed and dizzy, his breathing heavy.</p><p> </p><p>the fourth time he cough, a lone tear fell from his eye. </p><p> </p><p>if it wasn't for soobin's loud knocking and followed by his soft voice saying <i>‘hyuka? are you okay? you've been inside for ten minutes now. hyung's worried.’ </i>   he would've stayed there for longer than ten minutes, just staring at the delicate petals in his palm in silence.</p><p> </p><p>but upon hearing the elder's voice, the younger began to cough violently, as more tears fall from his eyes, streaming down his red cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>the knockings became louder, but the only thing kai could hear was the loud beating of his heart.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>soobin.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>it's soobin hyung.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>“i- I'll be right back hyung. my stomach hurts.” kai lied through his teeth, swallowing another bunch of petals that had tried to bubble up, threatening to come out.</p><p> </p><p>it was suffocating.</p><p> </p><p>“..okay then.” soobin said, a hint of worry laced his voice. “hurry up hyuka, yeonjun hyung wants to eat outside.” </p><p> </p><p>and then he left.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>it hurts.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>when did he start liking soobin?</p><p> </p><p>kai had never look at the taller boy in that way. hell, he had never even thought about dating guys. but here he was, harboring secret feelings for his bestfriend, with a Gardenia growing in his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>Gardenia.</p><p> </p><p>It symbolizes Secret Love. </p><p> </p><p>Kai chuckled dryly. <i>secret love, how fitting.</i> he stared lifelessly at the box that filled with white petals; it had only been a week, but the box was almost full. </p><p> </p><p>he put it away and lied down on his bed, covering himself up with his white sheets before closing his eyes, forcing himself to sleep all his feelings and flowers away.</p><p> </p><p>but there were just too many thoughts and questions swirling around in his head.</p><p> </p><p>and once again, the flowers in his lungs and his own thoughts kept him up all night. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“just confess, kai.”</p><p> </p><p>kai's fingers stopped smashing on the keyboard of his laptop as he tried to comprehend what his friend had just said to him.</p><p> </p><p>“just confess to whoever you're crushing on.” beomgyu repeated himself, “don't be scared of anything. just confess so you can stop suffering and move on.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>oh.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>“i've seen the.. white petals.” beomgyu said, his voice soft and gentle, as if he was talking to a fearful puppy.</p><p> </p><p>and maybe, that's what kai is. a fearful puppy who didn't want anyone to find out about the flowers that were growing in his lungs. but alas, beomgyu had found out.</p><p> </p><p>“how long has this been going on?” the older asked, concern lacing his voice. </p><p> </p><p><i>over two months</i> is what he wanted to say, but his lips felt so heavy. </p><p> </p><p>“it isn't just Gardenia, is it?” beomgyu asked again, trying to make the younger talk. but kai said nothing.</p><p> </p><p>the silence was deafening.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“is everything okay, hueningie?”</p><p> </p><p>they were at soobin's dorm this time. on rare occasions like this, they would only study, getting all their work done. or at least, in Kai's case, try to get everything done. soobin was a good student, he had never sumbit his assignments right around the deadline.</p><p> </p><p>“what do you mean, hyung?” kai responded from soobin's bed he was crashing on. he had already given up on his essay an hour ago. he tried to focus, but he just couldn't find the motivation to finish it. it's fine, though. he still had a week to complete it.</p><p> </p><p>“you seem tired nowadays.” soobin called out from his place; he was sitting at his desk, his macbook open in front of him. kai remembered soobin telling him he was working on one of his projects. “have you been sleeping well?”</p><p> </p><p>“'course I'm okay bin.” kai lied, leaving the other question unanswered. </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kai hated when this happens.</p><p> </p><p>one moment he was having fun with his friends, then the next second he felt like there was a hand on his throat, choking him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>fuck.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>his eyes were shaking as he tried to swallow the petals, looking for his older friend. but they were outside, and it was too crowded.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>it's suffocating. I can't breathe—</i>
</p><p> </p><p>before he could throw up, someone had grabbed his hand, pulling him away from his friends. he heard his beomgyu hyung telling the others they had to go to one of the stores they had just passed by. he didn't need to look up to know there was a confusion written all over his friends faces.</p><p> </p><p>kai's hand was already shaking and sweaty, but beomgyu kept their hands clasped, squeezing the younger's hand comfortingly and didn't let it go until they got into a public toilet.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“so I was right then?” beomgyu broke the silence. he was leaning on a door, waiting for the younger.</p><p> </p><p>“about what?” Kai asked as he threw away the petals before turning on the tap water. thank god there weren't a lot of petals today.</p><p> </p><p>“it isn't just Gardenia. You cough up Red Carnation as well.” beomgyu answered his own question that he had asked Kai two weeks ago.</p><p> </p><p>the younger just stood there quietly, the tap water was still running. he wanted to deny it, and maybe make up some excuses. but he knew beomgyu wasn't stupid. he had already seen the red petals, after all.</p><p> </p><p>“confess, hueningkai. set yourself free before you fall in too deep, before it's too late.”</p><p> </p><p><i>‘before you cough up achillea millefolium petals’</i><br/>
left unsaid.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“i like you.”</p><p> </p><p>it wasn't supposed to happen. he had already made his decision— and that is to keep quiet about his feelings. maybe then, it will slowly disappear, along with the flowers in his lungs.</p><p> </p><p>but sometimes, life doesn't go according to plan. </p><p> </p><p>“i like you, soobin hyung.” he repeated, his voice wobbled. </p><p> </p><p>he must have looked so pathetic. he <i>felt</i> pathetic. he was sitting there, crying with white and red petals all over his lap and on soobin's couch, confessing his feelings towards his bestfriend. hell, he couldn't even look at the taller in the eye.</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>pathetic.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>his gaze hardened as soon as his eyes landed on the petals that had just came straight from his lungs. it happened so fast. he didn't have time to run to the toilet. the moment he started to feel uneasy, he was already coughing up flowers.</p><p> </p><p>stupid flowers, stupid disease, stupid feelings.</p><p> </p><p>agitation grew within him as each second passed. the sound of nothing filled the entire room. it used to give him comfort, but at the moment, kai hated it. it was just too loud in his ears that he would rather let beomgyu talk his ear off.</p><p> </p><p>but in reality, beomgyu wasn't here.</p><p> </p><p>there was only soobin in the room.</p><p> </p><p>soobin, who had been sitting quietly infront of him, staring at him with the unreadable look that kai had become to hate. he didn't even pat his head, hold his hand or ask him if he was okay.</p><p> </p><p>there was nothing.</p><p> </p><p>so kai took the hint.</p><p> </p><p>“i'm sorry, hyung. I'll leave now—”</p><p> </p><p>“i like you too!” soobin exclaimed making kai flinch, panic lacing his voice as he quickly reached out to grab the younger's arm, holding it tightly. “i'm sorry for not saying anything. I was— I was just too shocked, didn't know what to think.” he tried to explain himself.</p><p> </p><p>“—but I like you. I like you too, hyuka.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>he was happy.</p><p> </p><p>after months of suffering, he was finally happy.</p><p> </p><p>nothing had really changed between them. they were still Kai and Soobin, who would always tease and make fun of each other. </p><p> </p><p>they were still Kai and Soobin, who would do their laundries together after everyone else was done.</p><p> </p><p>they were still Kai and Soobin, who play Mario Cart every weekend in the younger's dorm.</p><p> </p><p>they were still Kai and Soobin.</p><p> </p><p>and they were happy.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>but, even after all of that, he kept filling the box with petals.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“hyung?” kai called out, his voice small— he <i>felt</i> so small— as he snuggled close to soobin's chest, hugging his waist tightly. </p><p> </p><p>it was one am and they just got home from a party a mutual friend threw. soobin smell like alcohol, but kai didn't mind it one bit. he was too tired to complain. he just wanted to rest in the taller's embrace and hide from everyone, from his problems, from the world.</p><p> </p><p>“hm?” soobin sleepily mumbled, tightening his hold on kai. </p><p> </p><p>“i love you.” the younger whispered after a minute of silence.</p><p> </p><p>soobin hesitated for a second, but kai caught on it. “love you more. now go to sleep. it's late.” </p><p> </p><p>in a matter of seconds, soobin had fallen asleep, leaving the younger alone with this thoughts. kai stayed awake all night, his heart somewhere stuck in his throat. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>but do you really?</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><b>from beom hyung [00:11] : </b><br/>
are you sure you it's soobin hyung<br/>
who you like?</p><p> </p><p><b>to beom hyung [00:13] : </b><br/>
??<br/>
what<br/>
why r u asking hyung?</p><p> </p><p><b>from beom hyung [00:15] : </b><br/>
just answer.</p><p> </p><p><b>to beom hyung [00:16] : </b><br/>
yes</p><p> </p><p><b>from beom hyung [00:16] : </b><br/>
then why.</p><p> </p><p><b> to beom hyung [00:18] : </b><br/>
what u mean why<br/>
why what</p><p> </p><p><b>from beom hyung [00:20] : </b><br/>
why are there still flowers in your lungs</p><p> </p><p><b> to beom hyung [00:30] : </b><br/>
I don't know what ur trying to say hyung<br/>
I'm tired I wanna sleep.</p><p> </p><p><b> from beom hyung [00:30] : </b><br/>
I'm not stupid hyuka.<br/>
I know you still cough up petals.</p><p> </p><p><b> to beom hyung [00:36] : </b><br/>
gn hyung</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“the flowers never lie, ningning-ah.” </p><p> </p><p>a twelve year old kai looked up from his science textbook, his eyes wide open with curiosity before blinking repeatedly, confusion written all over his face. his mother just chuckled, smiling warmly at him as she reached out to her only son to pat his head, running her fingers through kai's soft black locks before dropping a light kiss on top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>“just keep in mind that flowers never lie.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“the flowers in my lungs haven't gone away.” </p><p> </p><p>he could feel soobin, who was standing beside him, went completely still after he uttered those words, and immediately regret it. he didn't want to do this. he didn't want to accept it. he wasn't ready for everything to be over just yet.</p><p> </p><p>his heart wasn't ready.</p><p> </p><p>but he knew he had to do it before it's too late.</p><p> </p><p>the younger tightened his fist, his finger digging onto his palm, hard enough to leave a mark, as he kept his eyes on the pretty sunset, trying to blink back his tears. fuck, why did he have to cry now. he hated being so weak. he hated this. he hated himself.</p><p> </p><p>he inhaled, lowering his gaze. “it's been a month since we started dating. but the flowers are still growing in my lungs, hyung—” </p><p> </p><p>something lodged in his throat, stopping him from saying his carefully planned words.</p><p> </p><p><i>not now. please.</i> he took a deep shaky breath.</p><p> </p><p>“i know it isn't me. because I am sure of my feelings for you, hyung. I love you. I love you so much. I don't know how and when. I just love you. honestly, I was really surprised too.” kai chuckled hollowly, “i've never even thought about you in that way. but it just... happened. and I wasn't ready for it. but I guess that's just how love works for some people, right? they don't realize their feelings, until it hits them  hard. and then everything slowly makes sense.”</p><p> </p><p>kai took another deep breath, before he turned to soobin, his eyes automatically locked with the older's. and there was it again, the blank and unreadable gaze. </p><p> </p><p>kai hated it so he lowered his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“you don't love me, do you?” </p><p> </p><p>it was out. </p><p> </p><p>the question that sat heavily on his tongue. that kept him up all night. the one that kept bugging him to no end, ever since he started dating the older boy. it was finally out. </p><p> </p><p>and when he looked up, soobin was just standing  there in silence. his face was crestfallen, a shadow of guilt darkened his eyes as tears rolled down his face.</p><p> </p><p>and kai finally understood.</p><p> </p><p>“hyuka—” soobin tried to reach out, but Kai was already broken beyond repair. nothing could ease the pain and the heavy feeling in his chest. </p><p> </p><p>“you don't love me— you never did.”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>and that was the harsh truth that he had been trying so hard to ignore.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>mom was right, the flowers never lie.</i>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>— </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>loml &gt;3&lt; </b>
</p><p>[18:45] im sorru</p><p>[18:45] im so sorry hueningiw</p><p>[18:46] i didnt wajt to hurt you</p><p>[18:46] im so sorry </p><p>[18:46] i know I shouldve rejectef you </p><p>[18:46] but I rlly didn't want to hirt you and your feelinhs</p><p>[18:46] im sorry</p><p>[18:46] youcan hate me all you want</p><p>[18:47] I deserve it</p><p>[18:47] im so sorru</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>yellow.</p><p> </p><p>yellow.</p><p> </p><p>yellow.</p><p> </p><p>there were yellow petals everywhere. </p><p> </p><p>on his bathroom's floor.</p><p> </p><p>on his lap.</p><p> </p><p>there were the same petals he had seen coming straight from his mother's lungs when he was a fourteen year old boy.</p><p> </p><p>the same petals his mother had to live with, for the rest of her life. </p><p> </p><p>except this time, they came out from his lungs. not his mother's.</p><p> </p><p>a pathetic sob tore from his throat as he cried hopelessly, letting out the tears he was trying so hard to hold back. </p><p> </p><p>
  <i>too late. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <i>it's already too late. </i>
</p><p> </p><p>he violently coughed again, setting the bright yellow petals free from his lungs.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>—x—</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“everlasting love.” his mother told him, “i know you were there last night, ningning-ah.”</p><p> </p><p>the fourteen year old boy just stared at the plate of pancake his mother just served for him, as if it was the one who was talking to him, not the tired-looking woman sitting right across him. </p><p> </p><p>“the petals you saw last night, they are called achillea millefolium. it symbolizes Everlasting Love.” </p><p> </p><p>kai didn't say anything.</p><p> </p><p>because he already knew.</p><p> </p><p>he also knew the fact that there's no cure for achillea millefolium. for your feelings for that person, will never fade away. </p><p> </p><p>even if you find someone new to love and to cherish again.</p><p> </p><p>it will never completely fade away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi ????? AJSJSSJ it's been a month. I'm sorry if it wasn't sad enough. I tried to make it sad, but I think I failed. not sad, didn't cry while writing it. ಠ_ʖಠ</p><p>hhhh I'm sorry though, for the ending. (っ˘̩╭╮˘̩)っ</p><p>you can follow me on twitter, it's @rollerkaister. *whispers* I'm writing sookai socmed au on twt (☞ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)☞</p></blockquote></div></div>
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